From: Binu Kumar | Date: Saturday 27 August 2011 01. 27pm | To: Roy Rajesh | Subject: Re: No Subject
Swadikhab Mr. Rajesh,
I am not that fine and currently am admitted in the hospital. It was a hot evening, so me and my friends planned to go to nearby river for a swim. It was already dusk when we decided to come back home. While searching for my belt in the dark I mistakenly picked a cobra. I was immediately taken to the local black magic performer who decided to suck out the poison out of my blood which got him killed. And that was the primary reason for not attending the examination too. The other reason was laziness.
I hope you are well and fine and hopefully not attacked by wild animals. I once escaped an elephant attack; the trick is to lie down still and act dead. But I found it handy to always carry dead mice in the pocket; which you can feed the elephant and establish friendship and trust.
Is it necessary to collect the book? If I collect the books, do I get it for fee?
From: Roy Rajesh | Date: Monday 29 August 2011 11.16am | To: Binu Kumar | Subject: College fees
Hello Mr. Bishnu,
I am sorry to hear the tragedy that happened to you and I will continue to pray for your well being. Although the wild animal thing was a bit rubbish.
The books are necessary for you only, otherwise how are you going to study? The charges for the books are included in the tuition fee and hence it’s free.
Please pay the college fees for the ongoing semester.
Sikkim Manipal Universi
From: Binu Kumar | Date: Monday 29 August 2011 11.45am | To: Roy Rajesh | Subject: Re: Re: College Fees
While going through your badly written, grammatically incorrect email, I suddenly realized that you have raised a valid point regarding why the books are necessary for my own good. However firstly due to my extreme laziness to carry the books around and secondly due to my sincere effort to save the trees, I would like to accept the books in e-book formats like epub or PDF (soft copy).
I currently do not have the cash and therefore would like to request you to kindly accept my cow as a payment. Although it is a weak and thin cow, it still yields around half liter milk every day.
From: Roy Rajesh | Date: Tuesday 30 August 2011 10.40am | To: No subject | Subject: Re: Re: Re: College fees
No, we do not accept cow as a payment. Please stop your nonsense and make sure you pay the college fees. We don’t have soft copy version of the book so you may collect the same book whether you like it or not.
Sikkim Manipal University
From: Binu Kumar | Date: Wednesday 31 August 2011 08.12am | To: Roy Rajesh | Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: College Fees
I realize with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the cow due to it being a very thin cow but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I would like to give you another cow which I won in a village football competition as full payment for any amount outstanding. The football was made out of socks. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.
The benefit of cow over cash is that, you can earn double in a year by selling water mixed milk. Even if the cow dies of a lightning strike, you can still enjoy the meat.
From: Roy Rajesh | Date: Thursday 01 August 2011 02.11pm | To: Bishnu kumar | Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: College fees
I already made it clear that we will not accept cow. Why are you joking with us? We do not eat cow meat, we are Hindu and we worship cow as a goddess.
I have just two things to say; pay the college fees and also collect your books. I don’t have time to waste reading your silly email.
Sikkim Manipal University
From: Binu Kumar | Date: Thursday 01 August 2011 03.07pm | To: Roy Rajesh | Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: College Fees
I really had a great hope to settle our dues with the cow. However it was a complete foolishness of me to assume such a stupid transaction and waste your valuable time whatsoever in the process. I owe you an apology.
Let’s forget the cow. I would like to make the full payment with the scooter. It’s a 1990’s model Bajaj Scooter. It’s in a good condition and only takes one hour to reach office from home, and that includes often stopping in the midways for repair. My home is 3 kilometer away from office.
Just to sweeten the deal, I’d like to throw in two XXX-L size pants and a 2 kilo bag of poultry food so that you don’t feel like you’re losing again. I hope this proves beyond doubt that I am not cheating on the deal. That scooter was won by my dad on a school lottery-draw. Although one lady (whom the village suspected as a poison giver) tried to ruin the atmosphere with comments regarding my dad’s cheating by printing duplicate lottery ticket as she bore the same winning number; I mentioned to the village gup that I had overheard her discussing spells to turn the village cow’s milk sour, and the angry mob took care of the rest.
From: Roy Rajesh | Date: Thursday 01 August 2011 04.30pm | To: Bishnu kumar | Subject: No more message
Why the hell do I ever need your third class scooter when I already own a latest car? What are those pants and poultry foods for? I don’t need them. Rather than wasting time in nonsense, do something useful. Enough with your nonsense. I will mark your email as spam and won’t read it.
Take your books and get lost.
Sikkim Manipal University
From: Binu Kumar | Date: Friday 02 August 2011 09.46pm | To: Roy Rajesh | Subject: Re: No more message
I was rather shocked to see your demeaning email. Fortunately, I was sitting on a chair while reading it, not halfway through the ladder or on a tree; otherwise I would have surely fallen and broken my backbone.
I am currently collecting some money. Yesterday I organized an auction sale where I sold the neighbor’s stolen furniture. I lied saying that the proceeds will go to green peace fund but kept all the money myself, finishing same night on alcohol. I planned to sell my uncle’s land but the buyer backed off firstly due to the number of dead body found buried in the backyard and secondly on my uncle’s denial to surrender the land. I even stood outside in the street with a board that said “PUNCH ME ON FACE for 100 BUCKS” and I earned around 4700 bucks from the PUNCH-ME campaign.
Do you accept kidney as a payment? Please don’t deny as I have no other option.